Grandfather at the Table Story

I’ve no idea where I found this, but if you know where this originated, let me know so I can give credit when credit is due….

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old grandson.  The old man’s hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered.

The family ate together at the table.  But, the elderly grandfather’s shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult.  Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor.  When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.  The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.    “We must do something about Grandfather,” said the son.  “I’ve had enough of the spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.”  So, the husband and wife set a small table in the corner.

There Grandfather ate alone,while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner.  Since, Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.  When the family glanced in Grandfather’s direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye, as he sat alone.  Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions, when he dropped a fork or spilled food.  The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening, before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor.  He asked the child sweetly, “What are you making?” Just as sweetly, the boy responded, “Oh, I am making a little bowl for Papa and Mama to eat their food in when I grow up.”  The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.

The words so struck the parents that they were speechless.  Then tears started to stream down their cheeks.  Though, no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.

That evening, the husband took Grandfather’s hand and gently led him back to the family table.  For the remainder of his days, he ate every meal with the family.  And, for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

Children are remarkably perceptive.  Their eyes ever observe, their ears ever listen, and their minds ever process the messages they absorb.  If they see us patiently provide a happy home atmosphere for family members, they will imitate that attitude for the rest of their lives.  The wise parent realizes that every day the building blocks are being laid for the child’s future.

Let’s be wise builders.

Bar Stool Economics

From the University of Georgia :

Bar Stool Economics

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.

The fifth would pay $1.

The sixth would pay $3.

The seventh would pay $7.

The eighth would pay $12.

The ninth would pay $18.

The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that’s what they decided to do.

The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. “Since you are all such good customers,” he said, “I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20.” Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men – the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his ‘fair share?’ They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would b e fair to reduce each man’s bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:

The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).

The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).

The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).

The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).

The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).

The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

“I only got a dollar out of the $20,”declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man,” but he got $10!” “Yeah, that’s right,” exclaimed the fifth man. “I only saved a dollar, too. It’s unfair that he got ten times more than I!” “That’s true!!” shouted the seventh man. “Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!” “Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in unison. “We didn’t get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!”

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn’t have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.

Professor of Economics

University of Georgia

For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

Out Of Office Replies

Got this forwarded over to me from Natalie.  Loved reading it, myself…

 1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I’m at the doctor’s having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over…)

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.  You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I’ve run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Lucille’ instead of Steve. 

Welcome to Arizona!

In the same spirit as my last post, got this forwarded to me by my sister.  Thought it was appropriate.  Is this REALLY what I have to look forward to? 

Just moved to Arizona! Now this is a state that knows how to live!!  Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It is beautiful.  I’ve finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th:

Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I’m turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th:

Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me.  Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th:

The temperature hasn’t been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least, it’s kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th:

Fell asleep by the community pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body).  Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol’ sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:

I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon. The car now smells like Kibbles and shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat. Good ol’ Mr. Sun strikes again.

July 25th:

The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it’s hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th:

Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now, $225,000 house and I can’t even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th:

It’s 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state.

Aug. 8th:

If another wise ass cracks, ‘Hot enough for you today?’ I’m going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th:

Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seats in the car, I thought my ass was on fire. My skin melted to the seat.  I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass . .  Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

Aug 10th:

The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny.  Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It’s been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.  Doesn’t it ever rain in this damn desert? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can’t live in this damn heat.

Aug. 14th:

Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead. Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, “Hot enough for you today?”  My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking Arizona.  What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??  Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.

New England In the Winter

Fitting.  As I’m leaving town today, I find this in my collection of fun stuff.Guess I’ll be thinking of y’all back home as I sit in the sun of the desert soon. 

DEAR DIARY:

AUG. 1

Moved to our new home in New England. It is so beautiful  here. The city is so picturesque. Can hardly wait to see it covered with snow.  I LOVE IT HERE!

OCT. 14

New England is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning all different colors. I love the shades of red and orange.  Went for a ride through the hills and saw some deer. They are so graceful.  Certainly they are the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be paradise.  I LOVE IT HERE!

NOV. 11

Deer season will open soon. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquillity.  Hope it will snow soon. I LOVE IT HERE!

DEC. 2

It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looked like a postcard. Went outside and cleaned snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight today (I won).  When the snowplow came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother Nature in perfect harmony.  I LOVE IT HERE!

DEC. 12

More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick again (that rascal). A winter wonderland. I LOVE IT HERE!

DEC. 19

Snowed again last night. Couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to work this time. I’m exhausted from shoveling. Fucking Snowplow!

DEC. 22

More of that white shit fell last night. I’ve got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow hides around the corner and waits until I’m done shoveling. That Asshole!

DEC. 25

“White Christmas” my busted ass. More fucking snow. If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I will castrate the dumb bastard. Don’t know why they don’t use more salt on this fucking ice.

DEC. 28

More of the same shit last night. Been inside since Christmas day except for when “Snowplow Harry” comes by. Can’t go anywhere. The car is buried in a mountain of white shit. The  weatherman says expect another 10 inches of this shit tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?

JAN. 1

Happy Fucking New Year. The weatherman was wrong (AGAIN). We got 34 fucking inches of snow this time. At this rate it won’t melt until the 4th of July. The snowplow got stuck down the road and shit for brains had the balls to come to the door and ask to borrow my shovel. I told him I broke 6 shovels already, shoveling out the shit he plowed into my driveway. I broke the 7th shovel over his fucking head.

JAN. 4

Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back a deer ran out in front of the car and I hit the fucker. Did about $3,000.00 damage to the car. Wish the hunters would have killed them all last November.

MAY 3

Took the car to the garage in town today. Would you believe the body is rotting away from all the fucking salt they keep dumping all over the roads. It really looks like a piece of shit.

MAY 10

Moved to Florida today. I can’t imagine why anyone in their right fucking mind would want to live in New England. 

John Cleese’s Letter To America

Dear Citizens of America,
In view of your failure to elect a competent President and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy), as from Monday next.
Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up “aluminium,” and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
2. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour’, ‘favour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix “ize” will be replaced by the suffix “ise.”
3. You will learn that the suffix ‘burgh’ is pronounced ‘burra’; you may elect to spell Pittsburgh as ‘Pittsberg’ if you find you simply can’t cope with correct pronunciation.
4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up “vocabulary”). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “like” and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
5. There is no such thing as “US English.” We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter ‘u’ and the elimination of “-ize.”
6. You will relearn your original national anthem, “God Save The Queen”, but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).
7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called “Come-Uppance Day.”
8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun.
9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables… Both roundabouts and metrification will help you understand the British sense of humour.
12. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling “gasoline”) – roughly $8/US per gallon. Get used to it.
13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call french fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called “crisps.” Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with malt vinegar.
14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as “beer,” and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as “Lager.” American brands will be referred to as “Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine,” so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors as English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in “Four Weddings and a Funeral” was an experience akin to having one’s ear removed with a cheese grater.
17. You will cease playing American “football.” There is only one kind of proper football; you call it “soccer”. Those of you brave enough, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American “football”, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of Jessies – English slang for “Big Girls Blouse”).
18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the “World Series” for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable and forgiven.
19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.
20. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due, backdated to 1776.

Thank you for your co-operation.
John Cleese

Just Bought My First Piece of Artwork…

Went down to Medford today, and bought my first piece of art from a friend of mine, Juleen Jones.

I’ll post a picture of it when I take one….

looks  like my mind  feels sometimes

OS X Leopard

You know…this is the first time I upgrade my MacBook Pro’s OS.  I ran 10.4 for about a year.  Never had any problems with it.  I was cautious regarding the OS upgrade, as in the Windows world, for years now….you’ve had to back up, then test all you applications, then figure out how to make things work, THEN maybe you could get back to work.

With the new OS, I just popped in the DVD, did the upgrade, and voila!  it all worked freakin great!  not a single issue yet!  been 2 hours, just launching my e-mail, and testing everything, but I’ll be damned that I can’t find a thing wrong.

My cynicism comes from me working with Windows 3.11, Win95 (version a, b and c), Win98 (first & second editions), WinME (for the brief 30 minutes I had it installed), Win2000 (all versions and all SPs), WinXP (gotta give kudos….XP was stable and had no REAL issues), and Windows Vista (who cares what version….it didn’t make it to the 30 minute mark for me) for the last 12 years.  I’m all set with Windows.So….for those of you looking for advice on upgrades….I’d do it.

I’ve heard that there is one application out there causing issues, but I didn’t have any issues with the upgrade.

Convert, damn you! convert!

amazing how an OS upgrade is kind of NOT a real big deal.  Given…had my backups prior to the upgrade, but don’t all geeks? 

ATHF – Attacks Boston? Paranoia?…

I remember hearing about this. I live in the Boston area, so I remember hearing about how bad traffic was that day (I was traveling to San Diego that week).

I would have been stuck in the traffic nightmare this sign created! In honor of that glorious day, someone (don’t know who) took the time to honor the wonderful bright stars of boston (mayor, police chief, bomb squad, adult swim, 2 dudes who looked cool and were getting paid to put up advertisements then sent to court to address SOME made up charge about something but did alright cause Comedy Central I heard helped ‘em out with lawyer fees), and someone who noticed a new sign advertising a TV show about 2 weeks after it was put up.

anyway…here’s the JPG I found online. Kudos to the guy who made it!

Calvin & Hobbes Collection

Just found a link to the entire library of Calvin & Hobbes.  What a great find!

http://www.marcellosendos.ch/comics/ch/index.html

The format is easy to read, 1 month’s worth of comics per page.