Funny one liners…

Found this somewhere online, but lost the link…

Good round up of people’s short texts…..

 

If you smacked a kid in the face with a bottle of Johnson’s No More Tears, would it create beautiful irony?

You shouldn’t say anything mean about people who can’t read. You should write it instead.

Imagine there were no hypothetical situations.

Children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children.

Solution to two of the world’s problems: Feed the homeless to the hungry. 

Depression is just anger without enthusiasm.

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN.

Who’s General Failure & why is he reading my disk? 

If your name was homework, i’de be doing you on my desk right now.

A religious war is like children fighting over who has the strongest imaginary friend.

You’re like a slinky – completely useless, but fun to push down stairs.

Hurricanes are like women: when they come, they’re wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.

The reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Why do we call them buildings when they’re finished? Shouldn’t they be called Builts?

I am going to call my kids Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they muck up i will just hit them all at once.

For Xmas I want Santa’s list of naughty girls.

This is almost as enthralling as a tennis match between Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder.

Duct tape is like ‘the force, it has a dark side, a light side and it holds the universe together.

Don’t drink water – fish have sex in it.

The most effective copyright protection known to man: a scratched CD.